I really should be working, but on my morning walk, I was going over general conversation in my head that happens in the back stage area at almost every show. With my upcoming end of season show happening this week, it seemed like a timely topic to chat about briefly.
Do I still get stage fright?
Hmm, well, I actually only had what I felt was stage fright once. Oh wait, twice.
In grade 7, when I had to present a “speech” for the very first time, I was extremely nervous. I remember choosing to wear a skirt that day so that folks would not see how much my knees were actually shaking as I gave it. The topic was one of a funny nature, and not to brag too much, but I actually came in second in the ranking of the students, my good friend coming in first as she chose a serious topic for her presentation. Okay, I was a good student and usually did well in class, but was actually surprised to have done so well, when I knew how much I was shaking the entire time.
The second time was my last performance as a belly dance student – or thereabouts. Back when I started taking belly dance classes, I totally fell in love with it, and within about 6 months of beginning, I was taking 2 classes a week, participating in the local volunteer association that was around at the time, and dancing at amateur parties as often as I could.
It was probably in early 1997, as the previous summer /fall of 96, my life started on a path of some much needed personal growth. I was going through a lot, and dance was my escape when needed and my dance friends were my solace to get me through.
And then it happened. At one of our amateur shows, which were taking place at a local lebanese restaurant on a somewhat regular basis, I was standing in the “back stage” area – which was the stairway to a basement changing area that those of us taller than 5’6″ had to duck the lightbulb! – and I was introduced that I would be performing next.
Now, at this time, the restaurant had been inviting some of their own regular patrons to come out and enjoy these shows, so there were some non-bellydance folk who had been booking a table and coming out for at least a few months.
Once my name was announced, I heard the words, ” Ahh, Halyma!” amidst very welcoming clapping. and all that went through my head was > “OH Crap.”
Suddenly, my time of relaxed and fun dancing- because I was still ” a student” -had switched. What did it mean to have people calling my name? It was too weird.
Really, too weird.
I danced with a flush of nervous energy that totally shifted my perspective on my dancing and made me realize that, if I was going to continue, I had to actually start to work at it. My colleagues at the time who had begun pretty much at the same time as I had, they were working at it. They were taking workshops and practicing and challenging themselves. I was having fun.
So I took a break.
I stopped performing. I stopped taking classes and dealt with my personal life. And I kept in touch with those cherished friends in my bellydance world as they had been a big part of making changes in my feelings about myself and my sense of self esteem.
I also had to come to terms with a few things before I could return to belly dance. I had to decide what was it about the dance that was most important to me. The fun, the personal challenge, the costumes, the community.
And I came back in my own quiet way and the next phase of my life started as a teacher and professional performer.
So, long story, without an answer – Do I still get stage fright?
No, not really. but I never did. As a student dancer, I told myself that it was okay to make mistakes because I was still a student. And once I realized I needed to smile more, something else kicked in – I developed a fabulous nervous twitch that affected the side of my face, and the only way to stop it was to smile!
These days, I get crazy hyper vigilant. I get moments of complete blankness on stage. I get a voice in my head that reminds me to keep smiling even when there is almost no energy to be felt from the audience. So, there is a full roller coaster of emotions attached to my performances, that I try to use to my advantage. When I do make mistakes { this happens much more often now that I dance with a group!}, or things go unexpectedly awry { wings incident a few weeks ago..}, I know to smile and keep going.
So, some of the sage advice from the conversations that happen backstage may help you, if you have moments of stage fright:
Don’t beat yourself up about making mistakes.
Keep smiling and laugh it off.
Warm up a bit and speed practice through those moves a few minutes before, just to refresh your memory.
And what advice has worked for you?
Post me some comments folks and share your advice for those new dancers who are making their way through the ranks!
