ON this morning’s walkabout, I was thinking, as I often do, about how beautiful the trees, the clouds, the sky, etc. can be when we have the time to appreciate it.
And I took some photos on my phone as I often do.
Then I started to think about how photographers, videographers, and anyone who takes the time to document those real moments in their lives, either for they own future appreciation or to share with others, are blessed in our present world.
We can easily capture gorgeous images, momentous images, subtle and delicate images that represent the moment of their taking, our mood at that time and help us hold on to those precious moments for future revisiting.
My mind then wandered to two other shots I shared this week of my 15/16 year old self as a blonde.  and I wondered at that young person, who was also a creative soul, doing crazy fun things and having great friends to support her on that journey.
Thanks and gratitude were strong today.
Here are some of those shots I was mentioning – I took them for me, but if you enjoy them as well, cool.

When I was blonde…this is being posted as evidence. On our road trip Saturday, discussions of hair dipped a brief toe into my past hair adventures and so here are the only 2 photos I have of my blonde few months-new year’s eve when I was 15 and with my BFF at my 16th birthday party-50’s style( yeah, I made both of our outfits!) Cc @tribal_ophelia

A post shared by Tracey Vibert (@halymaottawa) on Oct 16, 2017 at 1:52pm PDT

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Growing up, I recall my parents hosting a “wine and cheese” party in the first house I grew up in. I think it might have been as my father was getting into local politics, but I was probably around 10 so I’ll go with what my perception of it was.
I do not recall being around for the soirée itself, but I was around for the preparations and I was imprinted with the “hostess” energies from that moment onwards.
When we moved to the house I spent my teen years in, it took me a few years, but once I was in high school, I started hosting my own parties…theme parties at that!
-Toga party- because I loved playing with fabric and wanted an excuse to create a draped gown;
-50’s party so that I could make up a beautiful dress pattern I had found, and I got to make my BFF a poosdle skirt
-60’s in Paris party – I had found another cool pattern and made this amazing black Audrey Hepburn type two piece top and skirt, and a faux stained glass wall piece depicting the Eiffel Tower.
And my high school  friends were so awesome, they came in costume and we had a blast- at least that’s what I recall.
My grandmother also contributed to that imprinting as we usually went to see my grandfather and her every Sunday; there were classic items always on the menu- butterscotch pie, cream puffs, meat pie, baked beans, and various squares and cookies.
It was comforting, it was tradition, it was good.
In the intervening years, depending on where I was living and what my life was like at the time, I have continued to enjoy hosting and offering a safe and funny place for people to sit, chat, meet new folks, and reconnect with old friends, etc.
And about 4 years ago, my anxiety started to get worse, and I had to start looking at ways to reduce my stress. While hosting events and parties was still fun, it was part of a larger picture of “too much”, and I started to cut back.
Retiring from organizing official events was the first step, and when we had to move into the ” interim apartment”, we hosted one party there and then shifted away from it.
This past weekend, we celebrated with friends in our new apartment-one in which my husband has been exercising a joyful amount of decorating savvy, and I get my own studio/room!
So, we cleaned, hung photos and art pieces, prepped food and one friend commented in advance, “don’t go nuts!”….
too late…
And it was nice. I still need to make sure I do not resume the ” Too much” inclinations of my youth, I am happy to have spiralled back to a place of healthy hosting.

 

Monday morning.
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
The coldest Capital on the planet, I think.
9 am on September 25-3 days into the fall season and it is already 22 degrees Celsius with an expected high of 33.

 
Hide people, stay inside and keep cool!

I live in a great little neighbourhood that is “just colourful enough” – there are folks from all over the world who live and settle in the variety of rentals and owned homes, and yesterday some of the folks held a party

Awesome block party – #thewedge #lowertown #bordeleaupark

A post shared by Tracey A Vibert (@tavcreations) on Jul 15, 2017 at 4:07pm PDT

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I met people I did not even realize lived so close to me, met lots of dog parents who I had seen many times but did not know their names, and generally stayed up way too late and had a great time.
Once in a while, do something fun in your neighbourhood.

Yesterday was the Bell Let’s Talk day so, that’s cool. Folks started sharing, and Bell will give money – that’s a good thing.
I saw someone post that they “did not need Bell to tell them to talk about mental health issues.” and I thought, wow – shouldn’t we be supporting both the big and small initiatives that bring positive attention to mental health issues?  Why put down something that might be the ONLY WAY others will even begin to feel like they can talk about it.
Now there is a counter-argument to the Bell adventures well expressed here, that addresses a larger issue of our present love/hate relationship with technology. But until  something takes out all of our infrastructure, this < internet and phones> is one of the ways we reach each other.
And yes, mental health should be talked about all year long, and my social media streams are FULL of people taking the initiaive on their own to share their stories and  express their situations throughout the year. But that’s the social media stream of me, a creative person with creative friends from all walks of life who have created our own safe community in which we can be purple whacky on occasion, as we know we are not alone.
Thank you, Bell, for doing something to bridge the gap between those of us who are struggling daily with a variety of issues, but do have a safe place to talk, and those who would be dismissed or treated with disdain if they really told people what was going on in their minds.
I also read this article and shared it – so here it is again – loads of the people who do not feel comfortable talking about it are high functioning…”anxietists “< that’s not a word. I’m being lazy/creative>:
https://themighty.com/2017/01/high-functioning-social-anxiety-mental-illness/
So, if you have read this far, here’s a bit of my journey. I’ve done therapy a couple of times with different levels of therapists.  One test I took to determine my level of anxiety < I had developed random panic attacks> put me at 60-65% on the scale. 50% meant you were fine, and not really needing therapy, so I was just dipping a toe into the pool of purple whacky.
When I had first talked to my physician about the panic attacks, I was told by this very athletic woman to,” Just go for a run”. Hi, have you met me. I don’t run unless it’s to catch the bus or my dog.  and even then…
Her tone was dismissive, reinforcing the voices already in my head that told me to get over myself already.  I know what I have to do to be healthy – eat better, exercise more, get proper sleep…blah,blah,blah.
But there are the other voices that say, “You are self employed, and cannot refuse work, so you must work as much as possible;  and YOU MUST BE PERFECT WIHT EVERYTHING YOU DO. You must do all the things, you don’t have time to cook a proper meal so just grab something quick and yummy.”
I try to exercise regularly < dancing and walking> and try to mix things up every once in a while with different activities to prove to myself I’m not totally out of shape – which by the way – is how I feel in my head most of the time.
I try to eat healthy and prepare meals, but reality in my world, I have a niche clientele that I predominantly cater to and “Bridal season” is even longer now than it once was. And convenience is a thing.  But yes, I feel guilty every time I choose something easy and hopefully semi healthy over fresh – but budget and time are factors, so that’s a thing too.
AS I type this, All I can hear is – excuses!!! these are just excuses!!!
So, yeah – it’s constant.
And I should get to work. because while I know that work is a distraction from focusing on me, I also have bills to pay and clients that I want to serve in my best possible way.
Oh, and in my sewing business, when I don’t achieve the perfect finished garment – OMG – it’s a shower of self doubt, why do I do this, I’m not good enough to claim I can do this. I do make to not express my disappointment in myself nor be a disappointment to my clients < I know there are some unresolved issues in there>, and I apologize to those  clients who have seen the darkness creeping out through the cracks in the veneer.
But we are supposed to talk about this mental health stuff right?